Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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