What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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