What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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