What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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