What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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