What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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