What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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