What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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