What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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