What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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