What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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