What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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