What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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