What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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