What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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