What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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