What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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