What's green and loud?

A froghorn.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic

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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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