What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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