What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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