What's green and loud?

A froghorn.

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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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