What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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