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What's green and loud?
A froghorn.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?
He was in shock for a week.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get in!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?
It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
They wear snowcaps.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
I said, "Are you two an item?"
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What element is derived from a Norse god?
Thorium.
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How do you make Halloween great again?
By carving a Trumpkin.
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