What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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