What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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