What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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