What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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