What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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