What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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