What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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