What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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