What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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