What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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