What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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