What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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