What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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