What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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