What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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