What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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