What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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