What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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