What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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