What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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