What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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