What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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