What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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