What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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