What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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