What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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