What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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