What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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