What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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