What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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