What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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