What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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