What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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