What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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