What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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