What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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