What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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