What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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