What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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