What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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