What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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