What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon

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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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