What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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