What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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