What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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