What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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