What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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