What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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