What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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