What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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