What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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