What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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