What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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