What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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