What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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