What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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