What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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