What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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