What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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