What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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