What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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