What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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