What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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