What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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