What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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