What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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