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What's the definition of a gentleman?
One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What is a cow's favorite place?
The mooseum.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?
A shampoodle
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?
New age music.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?
A milkshake
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?
Decalfinated
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Clowns divorce:
custardy battle.
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