What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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