What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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