What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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