What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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