What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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