What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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