What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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