What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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