What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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