What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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