What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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