What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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