What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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