What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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