What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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