What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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