Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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