Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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