Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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