Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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