Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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