Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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