What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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