What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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