What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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