What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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