What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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