What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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