What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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