What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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