What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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