What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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