What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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