What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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