What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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