What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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