What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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