What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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