What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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