What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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