What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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