What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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