What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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