What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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