What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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