What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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