What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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