What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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