What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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