What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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