What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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