What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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