What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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