What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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