What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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