What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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