What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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