What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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