What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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