What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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