What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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