What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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