What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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