What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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