What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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