What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras

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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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