What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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