What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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