What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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