What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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