What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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