What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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