What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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