What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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