What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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