What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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