What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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