What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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