What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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