What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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