What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.

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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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