What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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