What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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