What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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