What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow

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