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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do you make Holy water?
Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?
Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do planets like to read?
Comet books!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"
The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?
Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?
Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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