What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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