What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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