What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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