What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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