What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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