What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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