What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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