What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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