What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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