What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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