What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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