What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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