What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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