What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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