What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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