What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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