What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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