What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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