What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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