What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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