What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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