What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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