What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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