What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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