What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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