What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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