What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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