What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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