What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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