What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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