What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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