What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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