What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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