What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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