What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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