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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?
The bucket.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee!
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What's the best parting gift?
A comb.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?
Where is pop corn?
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?
Silent night!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A nectarine!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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