What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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