What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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