What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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