What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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