What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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