What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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