What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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