What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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