What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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