What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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