What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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