What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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