What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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