What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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