What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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