What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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