What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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