What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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