What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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