What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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