What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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