What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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