What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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