What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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