What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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