What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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