What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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