What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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