What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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