What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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