What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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