What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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