What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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