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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?
A shampoodle
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"
I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
With a cowculator.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But the guitarist has to show him first.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?
A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?
He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Old chemists never die,
they just stop reacting.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
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