What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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