What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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