What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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