What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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