What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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