What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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