What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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