What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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