What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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