What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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