What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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