What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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