What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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