What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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