What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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