What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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