What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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