What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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