What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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