What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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