What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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