What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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