What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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