What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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