What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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