What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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