What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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