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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?
"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?
A sandwich!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
CoFe2
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?
A kitten.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?
Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How are elephants and trees alike?
They both have trunks
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