What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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