What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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