What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy

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