What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!

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