What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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