What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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