What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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