What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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