What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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