What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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