What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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