What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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