What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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