What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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