What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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