What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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