What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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