What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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