What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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