What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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