What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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