What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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