What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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