What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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