What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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