What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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