What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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