What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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