What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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