What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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