What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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