What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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