What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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