What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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