What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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