What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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