What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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