What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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