What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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