What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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