What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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