What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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