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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?
Spelling.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
CoFe2
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I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?
Because there was no atmosphere.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?
"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?
Pay him for the pizza
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