What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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