What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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