What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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