What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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