What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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