What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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