What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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