What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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