What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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