What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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