What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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