What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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