What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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