What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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