What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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