What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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A seal walks into a club...
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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