What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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