What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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