What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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