What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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