What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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