What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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