What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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