What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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