What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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