What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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