What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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