What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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