What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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