What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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