What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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