What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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