What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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