What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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