What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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