What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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