What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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