What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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