What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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