What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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