What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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