What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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