What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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