What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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