What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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