What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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