What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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