What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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