What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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