What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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