What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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