What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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