What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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