What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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