What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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