What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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