What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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