What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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