What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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