What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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