What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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