What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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