What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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