What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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