What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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