What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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