What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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