What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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