What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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