What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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