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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but they're really only one.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?
Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What does GOP stand for?
Grabs Our Pussy.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date
but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?
By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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