What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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