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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?
Because they had so many knights.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.
I decided to give it a shot!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?
O I C U R M T
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?
"The erection is rigged!"
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