What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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