What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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