What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore

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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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