What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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