What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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