What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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