What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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