What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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