What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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