What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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