What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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