What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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