What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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