What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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