What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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