What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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