What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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