What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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