What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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