What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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