What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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A seal walks into a club...
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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