What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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