What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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