What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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