What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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