What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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