What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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