What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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