What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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