What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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