What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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