What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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