What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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