What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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