What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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