What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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