What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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