What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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