What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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