What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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