What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.

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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

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