What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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