What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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