What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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