What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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