What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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