What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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