What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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