What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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