What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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