What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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