What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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