What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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