What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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