What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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