What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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