What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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