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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A tattoo.
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Which day do fish hate?
Fryday
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?
A centipede on its back!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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