What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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