What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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