What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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