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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
Glass flippers.
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What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
They wear snowcaps.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
That isn't funny!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?
Count Quackula!
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?
In a snow bank!
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