What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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