What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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