What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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