What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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