What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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