What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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