What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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