What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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