What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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