What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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