What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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