What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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