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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
On the bottom.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween!!
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.
Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole destroying.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
I can hardly contain myself.
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