What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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