What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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