What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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