What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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