What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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