What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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