What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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