What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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