What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.

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