What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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