What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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