What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!

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