What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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