What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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