What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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