What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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