What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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