What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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