What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.

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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

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