What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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