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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?
It ran out of juice!
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?
Forever 21
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What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
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Where do cars go for a swim?
At the carpool!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?
It broke the law of gravity!
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