What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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