What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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