What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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