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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?
At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?
A woolen jumper
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?
A milkshake
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A phew.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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When can't you see a cheese?
When it's pasteurised...
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What does one bucket say to the other?
I am feeling pale today.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?
He was tired of working for peanuts.
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