What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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