What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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