What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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