What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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