What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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