What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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