What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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