What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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