What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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