What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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