What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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