What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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