What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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