What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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