What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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