What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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