What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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