What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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