What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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