What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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