What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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