What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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