What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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