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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?
A tyrannosauraus wreck
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,
I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?
You can count on me!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?
To the mooooooovies.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get in!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A piano.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?
By relocating it to a casino!
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