What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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