What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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