What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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