What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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