What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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