What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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