What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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