What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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