What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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