What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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