What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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