What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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