What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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