What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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