What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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