What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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