What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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