What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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