What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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