What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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