What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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