What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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