What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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