What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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