What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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