What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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