What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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