What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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