What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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