What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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