What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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