What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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