What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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