What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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