What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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