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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?
The bucket.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?
Because it goes good with chips.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?
You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why does a dog wag its tail?
Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
Three skunks fighting over a pickle
First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
Is that you mommy?
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?
A kitten.
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