What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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