What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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