What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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