What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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