What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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