What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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