What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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