What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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