What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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