What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!

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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!

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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.

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