What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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