What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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