What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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