What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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