What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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