What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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