What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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