What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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