What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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