What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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