What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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