What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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