What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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