What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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