What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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