What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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