What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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