What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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