What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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