What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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