What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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