What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.

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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!

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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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