What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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