What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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