What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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