What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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