What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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