What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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