What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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