What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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