What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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