What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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