What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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