What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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