What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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