What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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