What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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