What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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