What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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