What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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