What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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