What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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