What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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