What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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