What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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