What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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