What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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