What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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