What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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