What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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