What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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