What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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