What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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