What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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