What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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