What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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