What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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