What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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