What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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