What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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