What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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