What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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