What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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