What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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