What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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