What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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