What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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