What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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