What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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