What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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