What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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