What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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