What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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