What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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