What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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