What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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