What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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