What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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