What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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