What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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