What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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