What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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