What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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