What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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