What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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