What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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