What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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