What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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