What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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