What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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