What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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