What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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