What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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