What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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