What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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