What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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