What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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