What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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