What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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