What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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