What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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