What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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