What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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