What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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