What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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