What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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