What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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