What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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