What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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