What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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