What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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