What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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