What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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