What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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