What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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