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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What type of cars do elves drive?
Toy-otas.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A fire cracker
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?
One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boo-Jeans.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?
With igloo!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?
Nothing, it shuts them up!
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