What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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