What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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