What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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