What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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