What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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