What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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