What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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