What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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