What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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