What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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