What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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