What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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