What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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