What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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