What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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