What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!

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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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