What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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