What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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