What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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