What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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