What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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