What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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