What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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