What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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