What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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