What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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