What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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