What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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