What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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