What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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