What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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