What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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