What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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