What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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