What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.

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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car

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