What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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