What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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