Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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