Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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