Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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