Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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