Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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