Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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