Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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