Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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