Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic

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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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