Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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