Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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