Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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