Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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