What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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