What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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