What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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