What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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