What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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