What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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