What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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