What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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