What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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