What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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