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What's the first thing a musician says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?
A hot dog
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?
We make perfect cents.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Plug its nose.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No I deer
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.
I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish
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