What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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