What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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