What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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