What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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