What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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