What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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