What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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