What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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