What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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