What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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