What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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