What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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