What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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