What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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