What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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