What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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