What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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