What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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