What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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