What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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