What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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