What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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