What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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