What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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