What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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