What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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