What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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