What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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