What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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