What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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