What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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