What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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