What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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