What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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