What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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