What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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