What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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