What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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