What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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