What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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