What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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