What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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