What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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