What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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