What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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