What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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