What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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