What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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