What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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