What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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