What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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