What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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