What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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