What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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