What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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