What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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