What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.

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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.

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