What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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