What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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