What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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