What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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