What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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