When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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