When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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