When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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