When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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