When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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