When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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