When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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