When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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