When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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