When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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