When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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