When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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