When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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