When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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