When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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