When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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