When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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