When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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