When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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