When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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