When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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