When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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