When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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