When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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