When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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