When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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