When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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