When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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