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When do you go on red and stop on green?
When you are eating a watermelon.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",
he said "Not you again".
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
CoFe2
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What's green and loud?
A froghorn.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?
At the baa-baa shop.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?
The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his ass.
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