When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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