When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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