When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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