When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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