When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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