When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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