When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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