When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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