When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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