When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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