When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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