When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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