When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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