When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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