When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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