When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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