When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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