When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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