When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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