When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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