When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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