When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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