When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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