When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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