When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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