When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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