When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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