When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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