When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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