When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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