When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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