When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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