When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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