When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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