When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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