When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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