When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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