When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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