When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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