When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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