When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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