When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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