When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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