When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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