When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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