When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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