When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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