When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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