When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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