When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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