When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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