When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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