When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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