When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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