When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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